greenclogs

blogging mom fail

I blog my kids' birthdays. Every year. However, this September, when Lindsay turned 21, I didn't blog about it. There were a number of reasons. First - she's an adult now and there are privacy issues when your child is grown and the decisions about what is shared are exclusively hers. Second, I barely blogged at all in September. It just wasn't on my radar - not for her birthday or for our 10th anniversary. Both big deals. Both not really blogged. Third, I wasn't able to be there for her birthday, and I was in a major funk about it. It was so much harder than I thought it would be to not be with my girl on her birthday. I didn't tell her at the time, because it was her day and she should be having fun, but I was so very sad. I missed her so much. I'm pretending it's not really her birthday until she's here in December (in 37 days to be precise).

Frankly, it's so much harder than I thought it would be to be this far away from her. I don't know her schedule - when is a good time to call or not. What she's up to. Who her friends are now that she transferred schools. And I'm so wrapped up in the day to day of the little people here that it's tough to find the right times to connect. I think of it when she's in class. By the time she's available, I have crashed out. I end up feeling like a pretty crappy mother. I know I'm not one, but navigating the boundaries of the adult child is pretty mysterious to me. I'm sure it will be clearer as she gets older (and once I convince her to move here after graduation. Ahem). But I'm going to mess it up. Since she's the oldest, she has borne the brunt of my screw ups and will probably continue to do so. But she's also my first love. My first baby. I hope she continues to forgive me as I bumble through figuring out the path between being that mom who hovers too much and the one who isn't there enough (clearly I went too far in that direction this time). See, apparently she knows that I blog birthdays (who knew she even read this thing?) and she wanted to know why I hadn't blogged hers. Because I screwed up and I should have asked her if it was okay and just done it. 

So here's my girl. My beautiful, practical, smart, funny, list-making, kind of bossy, loyal, accomplished, amazing girl. 

A photo that I didn't get to take, but I'll take many when she's here in December. I can't wait until she's here. I miss her so very much. I would try to keep her here, but she has only one semester left of college. I'll let her go back to finish and graduate and then make her move back. I'm a better person with her around. Plus, her siblings need her to keep them whipped into shape. She's much stricter than I am (which cracks me up to no end, given all the past declarations about how she's going to be a nice mom and let her kids do what they want, not a mean mom like me) and they will flourish with her advice about how to get what they want from me. Also, then they'll have somewhere to run away to. 

Here she is when she was a little person. I think she looks a lot like another little person around here. 

(she still eats ice cream like that. don't tell anyone)

her 2nd birthday - I had to show you her hair and her favorite shorts

With my grandma and my cousin, who is two years younger than her. I want to eat her in this picture. 

My favorite photo of us. She was 3. I was 24. We were both babies. 

I love you, Lindsay, and I'm more proud to be your mama than you will ever know. At least until you have babies of your own. 

Love, 

Mom

p.s. I'm really looking forward to your next visit since I can send you to the store for the wine. There are pluses to you growing up and that is one of them. xoxo

little big girl

I haven't talked about her total cuteness lately so I will for a minute. 

What she likes: Old MacDonald sung with realistic animal sounds and enthusiastic E-I-E-I-Os. Apples. This terrible book called Mister Dog by Margaret Wise Brown that she wants read over and over (painfully bad - don't buy it). More apples. Spinning in circles and landing on the ground. Taking things out and putting them back in. Eggs. O-side (what she calls nursing). The iPad (aka "ma iPad!"). Gaga and Sissy and Dadu. Her Boppa (grandpa). Talking about her bed but not sleeping in it. Snuggling her mama. Baby pictures on the phone. Kisses at bedtime. Helping cook. More apples. Drawing. Drinking whatever I'm drinking in her own cup (properly diluted to a drop in water if it's beer or in milk if it's coffee). Narrating her day. 

Sharing my mint tea. 

What she hates: Diaper changes. Dogs trying to eat her food or even being within 5 feet of her when she has food. Stuff on her fingers. Meat that isn't bacon. Her people leaving without her. Anyone but her using the iPad (ma iPad!!). People trying to kiss her when it's not bedtime. Reading a book fewer than 12 times in a row. Getting dressed. Drawers being open and things being not where they belong (love that). Her sister snuggling her mama or Dadu. Waking up alone. Sippy cups and anything else that is for babies except for o-side. 

This one is such a funny little bird. She goes pell mell through her day with a bouncy, wiggly run and a ton of enthusiasm. Her pains are felt deeply and expressed strongly. She's so big in so many ways and is definitely a toddler now with all that brings. But she's still my baby. She snuggles in deep and seems to know that she's my last baby, that I need those baby snuggles to last as long as possible. And they're even better when they come with "I yuv you, Mama." 

She makes me swoon. I love my baby little big girl. 

October, it was nice knowing you.

Well, October flew by, didn't it? I'm not even done with Halloween costumes yet (I should probably cut them out tonight). The neighbor told me that we need to buy 3 Costco size bags of candy for Monday night. There will be mounted policement supervisiing HOARDS of children trick or treating in our neighborhood. I'm looking forward to the mayhem but I may have to bring my dogs over to my dad's house for the night. They are not at peace with the doorbell. Not at all. 

We've had a busy month. The girls and I went to the coast and we went to Fort Clatsop for Annika's Oregon Trail/Oregon history studies. It was one of those "I don't want to go.... I don't want to leave" kind of experiences. She was enthralled by the artifacts and by the fort itself. She couldn't quite imagine that many people living in a space smaller than our house for a winter with no TV and no Internet. How could they possibly cope??? She got sucked into the Junior Ranger thing (which I don't love but whatever) and is now totally enthused about visiting all of the L&C sites in Oregon and Washington. I'll take the workbook/ranger badge/ranger rank thing if it gets her interest moving. This weekend we'll be heading back and going to Ecola State Park and maybe to Fort Stevens. She always wants to believe that she doesn't care about things like history but she really does. Nothing makes her happier than a good history book and some facts and artifacts. Oh, and authentic quill pens. 

We also went to grandma's house in Seattle for a couple of days - another girl trip. Annika got to spend a whole day with grandma doing crafty things and then visiting the American Girl store and Build-A-Bear. I'm pretty sure she likes Grandma better than she likes me now. Kit and I spent the day with a dear friend where we found her some new pink foos and saw bawk-bawks and ducks. 

There has alo been some sewing (see photo above). I was fairly successful during the Fall Kids Clothes Week Challenge. Annika made herself a skirt and i completed the whole outfit that Kit is wearing - smock, knit long sleeve dress, and leggings. The smock and dress are repeats from my Oliver +S patterns (I stick with what works) and the leggings are from Ottobre. I still have two more of those dresses that are half done. Maybe next week. I figure knit dress/leggings/smock is her uniform until she has strong opinions to the contrary. That remnds me - I really want a serger now. I'm willing the universe to send me an awesome one for cheap via craigslist. So light a candle to the craigslist gods for me. Thanks. 

I guess that's it for now. Hope you're well. I'll check back in next week with Halloween, obsessive paint swatching in the living room, and maybe a finished paint job. A girl can dream. If we don't set goals, we'll never get anywhere, right? Happy weekend!

and a new season begins

I'm not sure how it happened so fast, but school begins today began 2 weeks ago (I tried to blog - really). This is our first back to school in a couple of years (we've homeschooled for the last two) and the rhythm of school days is slowly returning to my brain. It makes our life in Portland seem more real - it feels less like a very extended vacation (I'm sure that Jeff will assure you it's been no vacation with all the working he's been doing, however!) and more like we have truly settled in. Annika is still homeschooling, with the addition of 2 days of classes at a homeschool center, but G is headed to a wonderful new school. 

Last week I wrote: Last night he was wandering around, unable to settle down for the night. The poor guy is so nervous. I remember that feeling. I switched schools at about his age and was pretty convinced that I would make no friends and that it would be a disaster. Today they'll go over courses and get to know each other. Tomorrow classes begin and they can try things out until Monday when they settle into a final schedule. I love that he gets to make choices and craft an education that is driven by his goals. 

Now I can tell you that he LOVES his school. Loves it. He's taking interesting, challenging classes and has made tons of friends. He rides his bike 6.2 miles each way to school and back (we'll see how that goes when the weather turns). He leaves here in time to be an hour early for school. For real. I've never seen him be so happy. I'm grateful that we were able to find a school here that is both a great fit for him personally and for us philosophically. 

A chicken who needs to start earning her keep

The days are shorter. I watch the sun rise now, having beat it to the punch by 30 minutes or more. I'm cheering my tomatoes on toward ripeness, but I'm losing hope. I may be making lots of green tomato stuff. One chicken is laying. One. The others are apparently full of the lazy. They have until the end of the month before they get a stern talking to about their future. I'm planting the winter garden of greens and garlic, carrots, onions, and things. We'll see what works and what doesn't. I'm already planning more beds for spring. 

Our wedding dog. She came home 2 days after we got married. 

There was celebrating around here. We've been married 10 years. Luna dog has lived with us for 10 years. The oldest turned 21 and I couldn't be there, which made me sad. I miss her something fierce. She's become quite a young woman. I wish I could still just meet her for lunch when I feel like it. Instead we iChat, which is not the same. 

I got to spend time with a dear friend this week - one I met through the Land of the Blog. We had some good conversation about blogging and social networking and where it's all going. I'll have more to say on that this week. Pinky swear. 

Hope fall is treating all of you well, friends. 

 

our days

We've had some slow and quiet days around home this week. The last few boxes are being unpacked. That stack of books on the family room floor is slowly getting shorter and shorter. The upstairs landing is clear of stuff that hadn't found a home. We go for walks. We dig in the dirt. We bake bread. We do (a lot) of laundry. 

The garden is growing so fast that we can practically watch it in real time. Right now we're eating the lettuce and the mustard greens while dreaming of everything else that's coming along. Brussels sprouts are on the left and Swiss chard on the right. Chiogga beets and Atomic Red carrots in the distance. 

The Beer Friend edamame just sprouted, which has us quite excited. We also have a few new little yellow squash plants poking through. I love watching them push their way through the soil and stretch themselves toward the elusive sunshine.

My blueberry bushes are surprisingly full of blooms. I'm a little giddy about that. I didn't expect much from the first year - anything is a bonus, really. 

The little one would rather be outside in the garden than doing anything else at all other than discovering shortcuts on the computers that we didn't know existed. Of course, none of those shortcut discoveries are repeatable. 

I could sit there and observe her wandering the garden all day. As your kids grow up, you forget how involved toddlers are in wholly experiencing every moment of their days. I watch her study the intricacies of dirt clods or ask for the 43rd reading of "Are You My Mother?" and it brings me back to the toddler years of my other babies. To Lindsay digging and digging in the sand on the beach in Santa Monica. To walking with Gunnar around the block on my lunch break at toddler speed, stopping at every crack and examining what laid below the storm grates. To Annika's insistent exploration of the world above her by climbing anything that might possibly hold her weight and reading her favorite books from memory. They all explore and absorb their world with a gusto that I try and often fail to replicate myself. 

Today we made our bread for dinner and she clambered up onto the chair to help. She stirred the water into the flour with a wooden spoon. We turned the dough onto the counter and took turns kneading it until it was smooth and elastic. She cried when it was time to let it rise (I see some playdough making tomorrow - no pesky rising). We talked about the magic of yeast and rising dough. She won't remember this conversation, but I know she'll remember in the darkest recesses of her memory that we always made bread together and she'll know that yeast is magic. Because making bread is what we do. 

She'll remember the ritual of bringing the chair to the counter and mixing and stirring and kneading. She'll always smile when she picks her greens from her own garden or smells a carrot freshly pulled from the soil. She'll discover these treasured books in boxes that I give her someday and while she may not remember which were her favorites when, the familiar rhythms will wash over her as she reads them aloud. I know, because the rhythms do that to me. I've read some of these books for 20 years to 4 babies. Each has its tone, its hand signals, its rituals that are unique to us. That belong to our family. All these things she does and we do become a part of who we are. 

These days are very good indeed.  

one year

from here

to here

in one short, amazing year. 

Oh, baby Kit. I'm not sure what we'd do without you. You are the sunshine in all of our days. You are funny and silly, smart as a whip, really determined and stubborn (where does that come from?), and sweet as pie. You love your brother and your sisters more than anything else in the world.

You would spend all day looking at pictures of babies and reading books, given your druthers. You love to dance - especially to old Vanilla Ice videos. 

You really want to be one of the big kids. You followed them first with your eyes, then with your crawl, and now with your quickly toddling feet. Every new person is a new friend, to be examined closely and then rewarded with a smile. 

You're going to grow up where I grew up, and I feel so lucky to be raising you back in my home town, with family around and the beach and mountains nearby. I can't wait for our new adventures - playing in the yard, wandering the neighborhood looking at flowers, digging in the sand at the beach, and camping in the woods. This year will be full of so many new things. Maybe you'll even start sleeping well. A mama can hope. 

Happy birthday, little Katherine Frances. I love you with all of my heart. 

xoxo, 

Mama

her best day yet

We went to the park and tried the swing. She's a big fan. Fall - we love you. Thank you for appearing - better late than never, I always say. 

Halloween

Happy Halloween from the Norwegian Mobster, the Darkness fairy and the cute pizza monster. 

Our evening was filled with the neighborhood pizza party, spooky pumpkins, running out of candy (where did all those kids come from?), trading the goodies, and happiness all round. Happy Halloween friends!

there's still knitting around these parts

See? 

Since we cloth diaper, baby leggings don't fit so well over the round booty. An easy solution for us is baby legwarmers. These, and their matching hat are knit from Three Irish Girls BFL in the Kate colorway. I plan to also knit a pair of longies out of the 1.5 skeins that I have left and keep the legs nice and snug like this. Neither the hat or the legwarmers are from a pattern - I just winged it and luckily they worked out. The size of the legwarmers increases once they're over the knee to account for the thunder thighs. She seems to like them. She's not trying to pull them off like she is the hat. I have yet to find socks that will stay on her feet, but I can pull these down over them and keep them warm if needed. Not that it's necessary around here yet, seeing that we're down to a balmy 85 degrees now. Yes, we pull out the wool when it dips below 90. Don't judge. We don't laugh at you when you wear shorts when it goes over 70. 

Besides, wool and pumpkins are natural companions. 

As are these girls. There's a lot of love there and it warms my heart. Seven months of sisterhood and they are thick as thieves. 

Back to the knitting! Only 8 more weeks until Christmas. 

6 months?!?

Really? Where did the time go?

That was six months ago. And this is now. 

Oh girl. Where do I start? You are my sweet ray of sunshine, my determined youngest child who insists on doing everything way too soon (except sleeping all night). You have a maniacal giggle, a bewitching smile, and an engaging personality. You think that your brother and sisters walk on the moon and stars. You light up a room with your smile when your daddy walks in the room. You're the best sidekick a mama ever had. I love the way you go after whatever you want - be it a toy or a piece of banana or daddy's beer bottle. I am thrilled that we've finally come to an agreement on the car. I wish you'd sleep longer at night, but I know that pushing out those top front teeth is causing some serious disruption. 

We debated for a long time about trying again after losing our last pregnancy, and am I ever glad that we decided to go for it. I can't imagine my world without you, little bird. I love you.